Declaration of Independence From the Gay Movement

Preliminary notes to be later compiled in the form of a formal declaration.

Heterosexuality, according to Webster's:
...of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward the opposite sex
Homosexuality, according to Webster's:
...of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex

All cultural references and lifestyle decisions are completely, one-hundred percent chosen by the individual.

1. I'm not interested in the semantics of sexuality, so don't expect me to respect your wishes to be called queer, androgynous, bear, leather, sub or anything else. You're gay and I don't ever add made-up words to my vocabulary to indulge a phony sense of togetherness.

2. I don't think it's exotic that you pluck your eyebrows, bleach your hair blonder than it is naturally or have a year membership to SATS. Your six-pack doesn't make your plastic, professionally altered face any more attractive. Puckering your lips and making your skin orange does not make you look like a model; it makes you look like a jackass.

3. You don't seem any straighter or more 'boyish' because you drink beer or play football, especially not when you're going to gay bars to listen to shitty eurotrash techno and hump other men. Masculinity is an emotional characteristic, not a to-do list.

4. I don't care that you work in finance. I don't give a damn about your money, and it doesn't make you more intelligent or successful than anyone in any other academic field.

5. Your collection of Dolce Gabana sunglasses doesn't make you a contributing member of the fashion industry.

6. A pretentious alternative/indie gay is just as retarded and narrowminded as a mainstream schlager-gay.

7. I have a dad and two uncles, I don't need more. Not as friends, not as a fuck buddy, not in a long or short term relationship.

8. I don't want you to piss on, shit on or spank me. I don't want to do any of those things to you, either.

9. I don't feel any more brotherhood with you because we're both gay than I would with someone that has the same hair colour as I. I assume that you're more than your sexuality, and if you aren't I'm not interested in knowing you anyway.

10. I'm extremely sexually liberal, so don't be surprised when you realize that I'm actually pretty easy.